Colder than a Witch's Ice Box

'The Pixie's Guide to Eloquence on the Internet'

If you must have a vitriolic rant on the internet about whatever it is that's causing you outrage then please at least try to add correct grammar to your diatribe.
It can make all the difference between being taken seriously and having your voice heard and people thinking you're a shrill, squawking, tabloid reading, knuckle dragging fuck wit who really doesn't deserve to have their ill informed and hateful opinions listened to anyway.

I must admit to still having problems with Effect and Affect - perhaps I too am a  'Fucking Retard'

This piece sums it up rather nicely - wouldn't you agree?

I thank you.





The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter ¤ and the number 35.  No websites were harmed in the making of this entry (except maybe failblog.com - but I'm pretty sure it's so used to the abuse by now that it practically has Stockholm Syndrome).

Bounding around like a Mountain Goat

'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'

Defenestrate (verb)

Definition: 
The act of throwing a person or object out of a window.

Etymology: 
The term apparently originates in Prague (the defenestration of Prague) where the historical Czech penchant for throwing people out of the windows of the town hall and laterly Prague Castle resulted in a couple of rather unpleasant wars breaking out.  According to my internet research, they mostly seem to have stopped doing this in the 17th century.  Good for them.

Example:
If I have to listen to the incessant banana chewing, yoghurt slurping drone of the Land Slug for one more day, I may well defenestrate myself - from the top floor.  It would be less of a clean up job than having to scrape its charred and caramelised remains from the walls after I flame thrower it to death.  I am nothing if not socially minded.


'The Pixie's Guide to Slightly Obscure Phobias'

Chrometophobia

It's all about the Benjamins

Definition: 
The irrational fear of money

Fair enough - it is the root of all evil.  However it can also be exchanged for shoes and cake and gin.... so it can't be that bad, right?!?!

I thank you




The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter þ and the number 11,810 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites:  Dictionary.com and Wikipedia

Piffle and Whatnot

'The Pixie's Guide to Words that are Probably not Actually Words but Really Bloody Should Be'

Suspidious (adj)

Definition: 
An amalgamation of the words Hideous and Suspicious used to describe an object or situation which is both hideous and suspicious in equal measure.

Etymology: 
First used in conversation circa 2012 whilst attempting to describe a Ford Taurus automobile that was for sale on popular New Zealand car sales website Trade Me and the various reasons why he who shall remain closest to this little Pixie's heart should not consider buying it.

Example:
Pixie: "Don't buy the Taurus - it's hideous and suspiciously cheap... go for one of the Japanese imports with the pop up headlights that you love so much."
Sideburns: "I agree - hideous and suspicious ... suspideous"
Pixie: "I'm so using that word"



I thank you.





The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter Î and the number 1977.  No websites were harmed in the making of this entry.

Odin's Raven!

'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'


Mountweazel (noun)


Definition: A spurious entry deliberately included in a dictionary or encyclopaedia in order to trap plagiarists.


Etymology: Lilian Virginia Mountweazel was a fictitious character introduced into the 1975 edition of the  New Columbia Encyclopaedia - Ms Mountweazel, so the story goes, was an entirely fabricated photographer of rural post boxes.


Example:  Whilst the word 'Flange' has largely been accepted into modern vernacular to refer to a group of baboons, one cannot help but think that it might be something of a Mountweazel when its origins in 80's satirical power house, Not the 9 O'clock News are considered.


Author's Note:  Personally I think Mountweazel is an excellent name for a super hero... I can just picture it now... cape majestically billowing in the wind... whiskers twitching... overseeing the might of our fair language and  the power of original thought (with properly sited and credited source references of course).


Obviously his arch nemesis would be the dastardly Hypno-Stoat ... that rotten scoundrel!


Brilliant!

The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter ┼ and the number 17 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com 

Spectral Pirates

'The Pixie's Guide to Ridiculous Phobias'

Pogonophobia 

Definitition:  The irrational fear of beards..... tragic

Sideburns are also tremendously acceptable

'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'

Capitulate (verb)

Definition: To surrender completely and unconditionally

Example: I made him capitulate, bent him to my will.  He put up a convincing fight for a short while - but eventually he had to concede - I am far superior in a game of thumb war.

I thank you


The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter V and the number 1984 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com

Infamous Moxy

'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'

Inveigle (verb)

Definition:  To persuade, entice, lure or snare by use of flattery, artful talk or inducements.

Example:  I shall summon my most disarming wit and gentility to inveigle my way into the family's home, quoth the bententacled beast, whereupon I shall feast on their eyeballs, unzip their skins and wear them like tiny jackets.  I may also do some hoovering... honestly their house is a mess...

and now for a new feature...

'The Pixie's Guide to Ridiculous Phobias'

Mingling Psychology and Linguistics to create a whole far less qualified than the sum of its parts.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

Definition: The irrational fear of long words.  

Aaaah I love a good bit of mental health irony, I do. 

The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter î and the number 2.473 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com

Magnificent Bastards!

'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'

Legerdemain (noun)

Definition: Sleight of hand or artful trickery - often associated with magicians and other professional tricksters.

Example: With such artful legerdemain, one would be forgiven for failing to notice the little blue pills and plentiful supply of prophylactics Lord Quimly Warner had been secreting about the ballroom, and indeed about his person, since his guests arrived.  Clearly our aged host intended the night's entertainment to be long lasting and somewhat reminiscent of De Sade's more fanciful soirees.  Happily, the observant Lord Crumbtwat and his ever present man servant, Mr Grumblecunt were able to alert the youthful and chaste Lady Foofington to the coming onslaught of debauchery before her delicate sensibilities were offended or her petticoats ruffled. 

Alas there was no escape from the delights of the most decadent of depravity for the rest of us.


I thank you



The Pixies Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter æ and the number 19 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com